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Posts
- May 20, 13
I find that I'm not really fitting in lately. Ok, rewind, I have never really felt like I exactly fit in, ever. I've always been a little awkward. But lately, it's been much more apparent.
We moved to our current abode last October. And I know that's not an incredibly long time to live somewhere, but long enough to make a few church friends, right?
Today we were at the public library catching a puppet show and checking out some books. As we were looking at Star Wars graphic novels a kid came up to Monkey and goes, "Hey, I know you!" And then he proceeded to tell us all about how they're in the same class at church. Monkey was super shy, but this kid went on and on and on.
Then the kid goes, "MOM - come over here, I know them!"
So then his mom comes over. Obviously she goes to the same church as us. Since October. And she's like, "How do you know them?" And then I tell her that they're in the same church class. And honestly I didn't know her kid, so it was totally ok with her not knowing Monkey. But then she said, "Oh, how nice....." and had one of those obvious fake smiles plastered to her face where you could tell she was trying to think of an excuse to leave as quickly as possible.
I'm not good at the obvious fake smile. Or perhaps mine is just much MUCH too obvious, which would make me an expert? I dunno. Either way, I decided that it would be best to just go back to looking at Star Wars books and make it easy for the church lady to go away. Which she did.
And that pretty much sums up all the local interaction I've had here.
The only person I can exclude from this is my next door neighbors. Not the drunk guys who live on the other side of our duplex (who just moved anyway) but the one in the house next to that. Those people are pretty cool. And our kids play together outside pretty much every day.
But I think I scare them.
I have to work a lot. Which means that I sit at my computer lots and lots and lots. So I don't talk to them too much, even though they see my kids daily. But then when I do actually have a conversation with them, it's been so long since I've had adult social interaction that I turn into a 3 year old and questions start spewing out of my mouth like this: "What are you doing? How long does that take? Is it hard? Your living room is fabulous, what did it look like before you remodeled? What about this light, was it there before? Oooh, look at your kitchen - did you do the subway tiles yourself? That's awesome. Where did you live before this? When is your daughter's birthday? Do you have a dog? How long have you been married? What color is your toothbrush?"
Also, sometimes I forget that some people aren't ok when I forget to use filters.
I think I need to take a class where everyone just has to sit around and practice "polite conversation". Or if there was a class called "People Skills for Beginners" I might be able to learn something. Maybe then I could perfect my fake smile.
And then, just maybe, I'll be able to fit in better here...... - May 17, 13
A couple days ago the kids were talking about an assembly they had at school. We were all sitting around the dinner table, and the story came out in pieces as they ate. So, originally, I thought things occurred like this:
All the classes were sitting in the gymnacafetorium, ready to watch The Amazing Whatever-His-Name-Was Magician. Which was probably a big relief from all the school work that never occurs in May anyway (is it just me, or does the last month of school seem like a complete waste of time?).
At some point during the show, the magician's dove escaped from some unknown hiding place and starting frantically flying around the room.
I imagined lots of flying, and a totally flustered set of adults trying to catch said bird. All the while, in my mind, the magician was standing on stage feeling like a total hack. I mean, what kind of crap magician can't contain his hidden dove before his "watch how I make this dove appear out of thin air" trick?
So the bird swoops around the gymnacafetorium while teachers and the principal chase him, and finally, after all that drama, the dove swoops down and lands on the little blond head of a kid in Opie's class.
Everyone is shocked that the bird has landed on a student's head until another kid in that class holds out his hand and, with the magic touch of Radagast the brown, gets the bird to slide onto his fingers. Then he calmly walks the bird up to the magician, who is now so horrifically embarrassed that he has to immediately pack up and move to a foreign country.
And that's how the story went in my head, after hearing the tidbits of information from Opie and Two Bits, in between their bites of tuna casserole.
However, it turns out it wasn't that exciting. I asked questions and we got the actual story out of it.
Apparently the dove didn't escape while it was supposed to be hidden. The magician had just done his "dove appearing from nothing" trick, and when the kids applauded the dove got skittish and took flight.
Apparently the dove did NOT fly around the room with a group of frantic adults chasing after it. In fact, I guess there was very little drama. The dove fly straight from the magician's hand to the unsuspecting head of a 2nd grader.
The kid who got the bird off his classmate's head must have had his own birds, because he apparently knew what he was doing.
And, apparently, the magician finished his show and was hardly embarrassed at all.
So, basically, the point of all this is: things always play out much better in my imagination than they do in real life.
The end. - May 09, 13
Dear Evil Shower Curtain,
You think you are sooooo clever, don't you? That you have it all worked out. That you can defeat me. But let's think about this logically - do you really think you can beat someone with my abilities and mental prowess? ha ha ha. Your confidence is humorous.
I am on to your plan, evil curtain of fear. I know how you mock me with your attractive fabric - the fabric you use to shield my vision from the rest of the bathroom. Do not think you can fool me - I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.
I know that you're hiding serial killers in the tub when I have to pee at night. I know these killers have knives or deadly ninja throwing stars. And I know that you think you're tricky when I pull back the curtain at lightening speed to find the tub empty.
I don't know where you're putting the assassins, but I will figure it out - that you can be sure of.
I know that when I'm showering you like to invite the satanic girl from The Ring to spy on me. I know that you wait for me to turn around to shave my legs or rinse the shampoo out of my hair, and then have her creepily pull the curtain back in the bottom corner of the tub so that when I turn around again I'll see her evil little face looking at me.
Don't think you can surprise me.
I also know that you are in league with the spider king - I know that he sends his legions to infiltrate the shower just to catch me unaware and vulnerable. But don't think that I can't reach for that can of aerosol hairspray that I keep handy just for the gluing of the crawling demons to wall.
One of these days I will vanquish you shower curtain, and you will no longer be able to to torture me with your campaign of paranoia. Possibly I will just enlist the help of your benign cousin, the clear plastic shower liner. He may be your ghetto relative with no sense of style, but with his help I would be able to see all parts of the bathroom at all times. And then I could forever banish you to the nether regions of the hall closet. And what good is your power there, hmmm?
Mwaha haha ha ha ha ha ha h aha HA. You better start watching your back.
Sincerely,
Your Greatest Foe - May 06, 13
I think dreams are rubbish. Well, ok, I don't know about YOUR dreams. They could be absolutely amazing and insightful.
You could be one of those people that have other worldly knowledge planted into your brain during your unconscious hours. Or the kind of who seems to work out all their waking struggles through a good dream sequence. Who knows, maybe you just dream about math - not exactly earth shattering, but still falling in the spectrum of "intelligence".
My dreams, however, are more like this:
Figuratively speaking, of course. (Spongebob rarely graces my sleeping brain, which is starting to make me wonder - why don't I dream in cartoon?)
The other night I was having one of those dreams where you just bounce around the whole time, and nothing really links together. Like there I was eating french fries and I couldn't for the life of me get my fry to land in the fry sauce without splattering all over my boobs. And then, the next thing I know, I'm sitting in a public library where a huge shipment of second-hand shoes shows up. And then I spent the next fifteen minutes of my dream locating matching pairs of shoes for a homeless boy who likes Converse.
Plus remember that one time that I dreamed that I was dating a Kid Rock look alike straight out of prison? Or the time that I had to save my kids from a basiliskamander over and over?
So you just go right ahead and keep dreaming about important things, or messages from beyond the veil or whatever. And I'll keep having the kind of dreams that belong in a trash receptacle, or the mind of a mental patient. - Apr 10, 13
Once upon a time some birds moved into our ceiling.
"Your ceiling?" You say, "Surely you mean something else?"
To which I reply, "No, I mean ceiling. And don't call me Shirley."
The birds have made a hole is the house just above my bedroom window which allows them easy access into the ceiling. At first different birds tried to lay claim to the new nesting territory and chaos ensued. One time Two Bits compared the noise to a squirrel and a bird killing each other, so I had to calm her nerves by stating that squirrels aren't stupid enough to challenge a pointy-beaked, crazed feather duster over something as gross as our crappy duplex.
Things were just getting ridiculous. The bird world rumbles that were occurring above our heads were enough to make the Sharks and the Jets dismiss any feelings of prettiness from Maria. In the end, however, the finer sex overthrew all conflict and now we're hosting a birdy love shack.
I don't know if this particular species of bird only have one mate per season, but what I can tell you is that they are obnoxiously loud when thoughts of little baby birds are on their minds. And it's practically ALL they have on their minds these days.
The last thing we need is a nest of baby birds in the ceiling. A couple years ago we made the mistake of letting birds get into our grill, and I can't even convey the noisiness of those stupid birdlings. Not to mention the territory issues that made it impossible to go in our backyard. And not only that, but did you know that some birds will still live with their parents even after they're fully grown?
It is true, I tell you.
Because when I finally worked up the courage to open the lid of our grill, effectively exposing the nest, about five adult size birds came flying out at my head, and I had no choice but to run into the house screaming and ducking. And then I had to hose bird poo off our grill for the next 3 hours and eventually just lit it on fire.
So we keep trying to get rid of the ceiling birds. Every time I hear them getting it on I pound on the walls, or pick up this big roll of paper I have next to my desk and smack it against the ceiling. This used to scare the them off, but now they're just like, "whatevs, stupid human".
A couple weeks ago Husband put vinegar into my huge super soaker water gun and sprayed the bird hole with it (the hole is pretty high on the house, so we needed to pull out the big guns, so to speak.). It seemed to work for awhile. But then I guess it stopped smelling or the birds just got used to the stench.
And now we don't know what to do.
Our landlord isn't very "hands-on" so I'm pretty sure telling her about it will not solve the problem.
Husband keeps suggesting we buy a BB gun and shoot any and all birds within a 2 block radius of our house. But that seems a tad excessive.
So tell me, my awesome gentle readers, how does one annhiolate all birds in existence? Or at least the ones nesting in my bedroom ceiling? - Apr 08, 13
It's been raining all day. But when it came time to pick Monkey up from kindergarten I didn't care about the weather. I thought, "Oh yeah? Forget you rain - we have these things called UMBRELLAS!"
And then Number Four and I left to walk to the school.
The first thing I quickly noticed was that a four year old yielding an umbrella makes not a pleasant walking companion. She was whacking me all over the place with that thing, because instead of watching where she was going she kept looking up at the center of the umbrella or down at her feet.
The second thing I noticed was that a day of downpour equals overflowing curb gutters. The flow of water was so wide that I had a hard time spanning them in one giant stride, and with a couple of little kids in tow we might as well have been crossing a river.
We made it to the school, got Monkey, and walked most of the way home with about as much annoyance as you can imagine in those particular circumstances. But then things got much more annoying.
We had just gotten over the gutter on one side of the road. Which meant that I had to close my umbrella, straddle the thinnest part of the gutter and then lift my kids, one at a time, over the flowing water. Not only is straddling a 3 ft wide flow of rain water not the easiest thing for a fat woman to do, but umbrellas went flying in the little hands of their lifted occupants. And I don't know about you, but I don't especially love getting a facer from a drenched umbrella.
We had just got onto the street, and just because we're lucky, a car turns the corner down the block and starts heading towards us. And this car is not going slowly (even though we were on a residential road in a school zone - obviously that car was being driven by a jerk). So I was trying to quickly cross the street and lift the kids over the even wider expanse of running gutter water on the other side.
And then my kids decided to act like they'd never been on a road before.
Instead of waiting on the side of the road so I could hurry and lift them to safety, both kids start running in opposite directions. And by the sound of it, the car behind us isn't approaching any slower, and it was getting close (the jerk).
This only left one option: I grabbed onto whatever part of my kids I could reach, dragged their unwilling little bodies to the side of the road, which required the excessive umbrella combat, and threw them onto the sidewalk ignoring my own, now soaked, feet.
And the car zoomed past us. (HUGE JERK.)
And that is why next time it's raining, I will be driving. - Mar 28, 13
There are certain things that I must say multiple times a day. These things are not things that I choose to say, but most definitely the things that need to be said. But I still get tired of saying them.
I used to threaten stuff like "clean up or I'll sell all your stuff to gypsies!" or "clean up or you'll never eat cheese again!" But the kids never took me seriously. So now I have to get real. And no iPad privilages for a week? Life doesn't get much more real than that.
This one is the bane of motherhood:
This is something I say every single school morning:
The Monkey still has a hard time doing things for himself. And we never get out of bed with enough time to leisurely get ready for our day. We're not morning people, we're "hit snooze at least 7 times and then get angry at the sun for shining" people. So when there is only 3 minutes until people need to be leaving, and the Monkey is still standing there stuck halfway into a shirt and pantless, it's up to me to get him put together. And for some reason he thinks that he can go all floppy fish noodle on me, requiring me to shove his foot in his shoe for him. It's super really obnoxious. Because he's a six year old human being and not a floppy fish noodle for crying out loud.
I get really REALLY tired of this daily conversation:
I seriously loathe making dinner. Because first you have to think of something to make. And then you have to make sure you have all the stuff you need to make it. Then you have to change tactics half way through when you realize that you are, in fact, missing multiple ingredients. Then you have to spend an hour in the kitchen figuring out healthy side dishes and stirring things on a hot stove. Then you have to dish it up for everyone on the right colored plates in the right proportions and serve it with the right utensils. Then you have to sit at the table while every wails and moans about how disgusting the food is. And I find that no matter what the dinner is, at least one of the kids is going to hate it.
As much as I hate saying all those things, this next one is the number one most abhorred utterance that I am required to declare once, if not seven times, a day:
I don't know what kind of logic makes a human being think it's ok to leave putrid floaters in the bathroom. And why am I ALWAYS the one to discover such repulsive offerings? I wonder sometimes if the kids do it on purpose. Most likely though is that my children are disgusting creatures of habit that are much too distracted by legos and scooters to bother remembering to flush. Which really makes me wonder about hand washing.
And those are some things I'm tired of saying. What about you? Do you have anything great (greatly annoying, that is) to add to the list? - Mar 14, 13
Did I ever tell you about the time Opie got a goosebump the size of an actual goose egg? I was looking at pictures from a few years ago and was reminded of how truly colossal it was.
A little back story first:
Opie used to have a giant sized head. He has since grown into it a little bit. But from about the time he was 4 months old to like yesterday his head was just too big for his short little body. So he used to always bump it into stuff.
ALWAYS.
We could barely get a goosebump healed before he would get a brand new one. So basically, we had a stash of kid sized ice packs and I got good at looking for signs of a concussion.
Now back to the story:
It was March of 2010, and it was starting to get all warm and nice outside. I'm pretty sure it was a saturday morning because I ditched the younger kids to take Opie and Two Bits on a bike ride to the neighborhood park. So Husband must have been home. Or something.
The kids still had their bike helmets on while they played on the playground which, at the time, did not seem like a big deal. Helmets are supposed to keep heads safe, right? That's what I thought. And then Opie decided to jump off a platform and land in between a couple of metal bars.
Normally, I think he probably could have squeezed between those bars. But at that moment the width of his big head combined with the girth of his helmet slammed his forehead into one of the metal bars with a fairly decent amount of force. And this was the end result:
And this was after ice packs and laying down. (Except that before that we had to get all the way home with a screaming Opie - so the whole neighborhood heard about it.)
The goosebump lasted weeks. It ever so slowly shrank and changed colors. And eventually it melted down into his eyes so he had double black eyes for awhile too.
But even after a massive conk like that he still didn't have a concussion (he never has). So maybe his head was so big because his skull is twice as thick as a normal person's?
At any rate, it was a pretty amazing goosebump. And I love it when my kids' injuries make random people stop and stare....and probably wonder if I beat him. And then I just want to yell, "I was being nice - WE WENT TO THE PARK, OK?!!!"
And Opie wasn't very happy about it either.
(This was about 10 days after it happened.) - Mar 04, 13I haven't been reading as much lately as I used to. Not that I don't like to ignore the things I should be doing by doing something more entertaining. Because I do like to do that. It's just that with the few books that I've actually attempted to read I don't make it too far before getting bored.
sigh.
I don't know if my attention span has gotten shorter, or I just haven't found the right books. It's probably the first one.....but let's pretend that it's not really my fault.
What I think the problem really is that I used to never read. EVER. Because I just didn't like to. And I was pretty busy doing other stuff. When I was in high school I thoroughly believed in Cliff's Notes and excellent guessing on multiple choice tests. I'm pretty sure I read only one book from cover to cover during my whole teenage career and it wasn't even for school.
This is where you're probably thinking I was a horrible student. On the contrary, I graduated with high honors and a full ride scholarship. Because I was ever so good at guessing on multiple choice tests. And also, I think my high school was fairly lacking in the whole "we challenge our students" arena.
So now that we've that cleared up let's talk about books again.
I didn't start reading for fun until I was put on bedrest with my last pregnancy. That was before I knew about Netflix or Hulu or Amazon Instant Video. We didn't even have cable. So yeah, I read lots and lots and lots.
And then I kept reading after that because I realized that I actually do like to read.
But then I kind of just stopped reading again.
I think I got busy doing other things again. Plus I realized my deep and unending love for streaming. But I want to get back to reading, because I sort of miss it. And the other day my internet was dead for multiple days in a row and I almost died from the withdrawals.
Is it sad that I can't go for a few days without streaming? Or would that fall under the "pathetic" category?
Either way I think I should start a new book. And I've decided to read this:
I liked the style of writing JK Rowling used in all the Harry Potter books, so I'm hoping that I like this too. And if I get it through the Kindle app on my phone then possibly I'll actually read it the next time I find myself with a little free time. Maybe.
We'll see how it goes....
Shop Amazon Books - New J.K. Rowling - The Casual Vacancy - Feb 23, 13
I have beef with pinterest. I mean, I LIKE pinterest, and if you check you'll see that I have about 500 boards and 7 million pins, but lately it's just gotten annoying. I feel a little like it's trying to boss me around, or make me feel guilty, or judge me from a distance.
For example, according to pinterest:
We should tell our girls 25 certain things before they turn ten, because there is no possible way they can live to age 11 without it.
If you didn't take certain wedding photos you shouldn't breath the same air as the rest of us.
Your living room should have at least one black and white photo collage wall, and if you don't have anything with chevron in your house you might as well live in a cardboard box.
There are 17 specific things that moms MUST do with sons because "they are SO important" and no one would know how to raise a son without this amazing pin. (How did our ancestors cope?)
You can feed your entire extended family for 7 years with $100 worth of groceries and a crockpot. And it's all completely healthy.
Never ever "waste" your toilet paper rolls, because the fact that it has already held the toilet paper and can be easily recycled is just not enough.
Doing your hair in a unique and different way every single day is the ONLY way to have hair if you care at all about being a human being.
Choose one of 47 different recipes for homemade laundry detergent, body wash, febreeze, deodorant, toothpaste, toe jam remover, cough syrup, and motor oil.
You should love your abs more than any kind of food or you're just a disgusting lard butted waste of space.
When introducing a new baby to older siblings you should put lots of effort into it for the kids' sakes, because pushing a human being out of your body wasn't enough work.
You should never ingest anything that's not organic/vegan/home grown, unless of course it's named "better than sex" anything, or my personal favorite "crack" whatever. (Just because its your favorite recipe doesn't mean you should call it "crack bread" or "crack brownies" or "crack scrambled eggs" - that is just stupid. And extremely ignorant.)
A baby cannot possibly sleep in a boring regular room - if the nursery is not color coordinated, sophisticated, and somehow turn the closet into something completely useless, then you are doing it wrong and your baby will suffer horribly.
There are more, many many more, but all of these things probably won't stop me from participating in the pinning frenzy, even if they sometimes make me want to leave snide comments on random people's boards. However I am going to start caring a whole lot less about how my house looks, and what I do (or do not do) with my kids, and if I toss toilet paper rolls without even a smidgen of guilt.
So go ahead Pinterest and judge me from afar. I pretty much don't care. - Feb 15, 13
I'm attempting a life makeover. It's kind of not that easy. But it's not like I'm changing everything. Just mostly stuff like priorities, sleeping habits, and other small things, you know, like my name.
I'm actually looking for name suggestions, if you have some. But there are some rules:
1- It can't be boring. I've been "Melissa" for a long time now, and I have to say that it's really not a name that impresses a classroom full of second graders.
2- It can't use the letters U or Y. Just because I've decided not to use them. And I'm still iffy on using a K.
3- The name should symbolic of something magical. But not anything nerdy. Just because I believe in unicorns and a secret underworld full of lizard people doesn't mean I'm a dweeb.
4- It has to be at least 3, but no more than 7 syllables. Let's just say I want it to be a mouthfull.
I'm also thinking about a blog redesign. Like, maybe if it's pretty, it will be easier to get back to sharing my inner most thoughts here? And also because a life makeover means changes have happened and I need to update things anyway.
However, I'm not sure what kind of design I want to go with. I'm thinking maybe something super simple though. Partly because I'm in a simplicity mode, and partly because I'm too lazy to do something complex.
What do you think? - Feb 13, 13
I used to get migraines all the time. But then I got really good at figuring out my migraine triggers and how to cut one off before it really ever started. But the thing about migraines is that they're like that one annoying friend that stops by for visits even when you make up a myriad of excuses to get out of it.
It's like my migraines miss hanging out or something, so they insist on paying a visit.
If migraines could talk they'd say something like, "Hey girl, it's been so long since I've given you double vision and vertigo that I just thought I'd stop by and make you barf. This so much fun!"
Migraines would probably have really nasaly voices too, just to be extra obnoxious. And fish breath. And if they had fingers they'd probably go around your house turning on all the lights, and then they'd pinch your kids just to make them scream.
And you know how, just like that one annoying friend, migraines stay waaaaay too long? Or they threaten to make a reappearance so you just have to lay there and play dead, hoping they'll just get bored and go away? I really hate that.
Some people can just ride out their migraines and then be fine in a few hours, or the next day, or whatever. But not me. The only way to get rid of mine is to go full-on drug lord and swallow my weight in pain killers. And then I have to lock myself in a lightless, noiseless, smell-less room and fall into a drug coma for awhile.
My methods usually work, although not always. Because sometimes my migraines like to have sleepovers. And even if it does work, I always have to deal with the next day drug hangover, which usually involves a completely different kind of headache.
It's all just superbly annoying. And completely unnecessary, you know what I mean? - Feb 04, 13
Right now my breath tastes horrible. I can only imagine how bad it smells. I wonder if I could actually kill small mammals with it? But finding out would require locating a small mammal, and I think I'm just going to brush my teeth instead.
So guess who's going to Roots Tech this year? With a press pass? ME. I'm really excited because I hear that it's awesome there. And they just announced that Syd Lieberman is going to be one of the thursday morning keynote speakers, and I really really like him.
I think you guys should all come with me to Roots Tech, so go and get an early bird ticket before the 15th. Because cheaper is always better.
Did you know that you can't lodge an official complaint to the USPS? At least they wouldn't let me. I was really mad at them because I ordered a white suit for Opie's baptism last weekend, and I paid for express shipping so we'd have it a few days before we needed it. And then THE USPS LOST IT and we had to call 3 different post offices, and talk to about 7 different people, and then finally got someone nice who found it and let us pick it up about a half hour before we left our house for the stake center. And they wouldn't even put my complaint on record. I'm totally using FedEx from now on.
Since it's been so snowy and cold lately Husband has been taking the car every day instead of the bus. So he's also in charge of picking Monkey up from kindergarten. But it's finally warming up a teensy, so I get the car again, and I've decided to break the parking rules at our school. They want parents to just parallel park along the side of the road, which isn't super easy because it's a dead end street with sporadic sidewalks and mounds of dirty snow.
And not all of us are good at parallel parking anyway.
So I used to leave the house really early just so I could get a spot before everyone else came. Which was sort of annoying. And not always possible.
But they also have a turnabout for buses. Except that there is ONE bus and whole lot of turnabout. So now I just leave my house at the right time, and I park behind the bus. Even though that's breaking "parent parking conduct". It's super awesome, because I don't have to deal with any other cars. Because apparently I'm the only one that isn't bothered by breaking stupid rules.
I wonder how long it will take before someone tells me to stop? - Dec 06, 12
Online shopping is great. Because when the packages come it's like a little mini Christmas, just for me. Every time I hear the thump of a package at my front door I get really excited to know what has shown up. And I get to lock myself in my bedroom and open it while being perfectly justified ignoring the screaming children out in the hall.
The other day I got a package with the sock monkey family inside (mom, dad, boy, and girl, complete in a box that looks like a car - yeah). It was extra super exciting because I ordered it on ebay and you never really know when stuff will show up after you've used ebay. And I can't remember the users whom I've ordered from, so when a package shows up and it's from some guy named Herbert from Michigan, and I'm thinking, "What is this?" and then I open it up and it's a sock monkey family...
CHRISTMAS!
Except that sometimes when the packages show up the delivery people ring my doorbell. Which, normally, wouldn't be a big deal. But the place where we're currently living has one of those super obnoxious doorbells with a really long electronic song instead of the usual "ding dong".
I loathe doorbells like that.
When my kids get home from school (because they walk home now, which is fabulous because I don't even have to leave the house to pick them up or anything) they like to ring the doorbell about 7 times in a row just because I've deadbolted the door and they can't get in. Kids are obnoxious that way.
Besides the doorbell there's really only one risk to shopping online. And that's when the company who has shipped the item does not put it in a cardboard box of an indeterminable nature. And the kids know that their Christmas presents are showing up in packages, so they also rush for the door when things show up. And sometimes they beat you to the door, like say, just as a completely random example, you're stuck in the bathroom having diarrhea, and they get the packages before you can even leave the bathroom, and it's in just a regular box that has a big fat picture of exactly the thing they're getting from Santa this year.
Yeah, shopping online can be risky.
But I still think it's worth it because, you know, CHRISTMAS! - Dec 04, 12
I lost my phone for awhile today.
This used to happen all the time. And then I'd find it in the deep recesses of the couch or in the back of my closet or behind the toilet or something. But that was back when my phone was just good for stupid stuff, like talking to people. blech.
But now I usually have my phone RIGHT THERE, because I'm one of those addicted-to-their-smart-phone people. Sometimes I'll tell people that I lost it and that's why I couldn't answer their call, when really it's because I'm busy exploding chuzzles or browsing pinterest when they call and I don't want to be interrupted. Or sometimes (ie. all the time) I just don't want to talk on the phone, so I lie and pretend it's lost.
But when I lost my phone for real today, I was pretty scared. And I had to go to the school and help in Monkey's kindergarten class WITHOUT it. And then I had to go to the grocery store and buy Orville Redenbacher's new Farmhouse Cheddar Popcorn (which happens to be really really tasty) WITHOUT it. And then I came home and I looked around like crazy until I found it.
It had rolled itself up in a blanket on my bed like a little puppy - silly phone.
I was super happy when I found it.
And then I checked instagram, and did a sudoku puzzle to celebrate. - Oct 10, 12
I mentioned that I moved (again) right? We live in a duplex now. The beauty of a duplex is that you can hear lots and lots of stuff that happens on the other side (especially if you have really super amazingly creaky floors, like we do). And also, you share a yard.
Granted, duplexes are better than apartments or townhomes or something where a whole bunch of people share the yard or you hear neighbors above, below, and on each side of you. So yeah, duplexes aren't that bad.
The other half of our duplex is rented by some guys. I think there are three of them. Except that I'm not really sure. All I know is that one of them has a big bushy beard. Because a bushy beard is something you don't forget. But regular looking guys? Yeah, I have no memory of what the rest of them look like.
Currently our new guy neighbors are in the backyard with some of their friends. Drinking beer and taking turns throwing a knife at a stump. The windows are open so I can hear all the action. Every couple of minutes one of them will curse and say "OW!" So maybe I can officially meet all the guys when the ambulance is inevitably called due to blood loss.
Beer and knives - probably the only other thing I'll remember about the new neighbors besides the bushy beard. - Oct 05, 12
I'm digging the band Walk Off the Earth lately. These are a few of my favorite songs (their cover versions songs I didn't even like before are super great). Listen to them. LISTEN TO THEM NOW. do it.
- Sep 26, 12
We're moving to a new house. Again. Because that's what we do. For the 10th time in 10.5 years of marriage. IT'S LOTS OF FUN. Except that it's totally not.
However
while we were packing the office tonight we found this old notebook of mine from college. Most of it was filled with notes from my psychology class, but then I flipped to the back where I discovered some amazing gems of wisdom divined by myself and my hilarious roommates.
My husband does not appreciate these gems, so I will share them with you. (Who I'm sure will see them for the genius that they are.)
"Some people think that living in a socially obligated world brings on the destruction of segmented earth worms."
"Draw 4 cards in Uno always make me cry."
"I've never seen a purple cow, I never hope to see one. But I can tell you anyhow, missed opportunities resemble bacon bits."
"One adjective evening, you were verb-ing outside when an adjective guy verb-ed by. In passing he said, "phrase" to you. In reply you adjective-ly said, "phrase". So, you both verb-ed off into the sunset. The end."
"Contrary to popular belief, penguins do not emit noxious fumes during winter solstice."
"Never the less, she left the chicken coop and ate small mammals with children, after living in a puddle full of sludge."
"If you hate the sensation of burning toe fungus, then what are you even living for?"
"Don't fight the reality of wild ducks shooting out of your nose."
"Some people say that the abominable snowman causes brain damage, but what the heck is up with Darla?"
"Magnifico, the great magician, doesn't like yellow fungi because I hate boys."
"Two lips like to take 10 minutes to cause retinal damage with a laser."
"I took two grandmas with cheese on the side."
AREN'T THOSE GREAT?!!!
I mean, it totally makes me look like my roommates and I just sat around smoking pot during our entire college years. But I swear we didn't. Because we didn't need mind altering chemicals to make us awesome.
We just WERE. - Sep 19, 12
I am no longer planning my life. You heard me. I PLAN NOTHING from here on out. No long term plans, no short term goals. Heck, I have no idea if I'll even finish this sentence. Because I am not planning ANYMORE.
Also, do you want to know what I think is really stupid. Not just regular really stupid either. Really REALLLLY stupid. "The Secret." I mean, I figured it was lame. But now I know for sure. It's really really stupid.
Also, does anyone have any experience with broken feet? Or just one broken foot. Not plural. Because I think I broke one. Because I was being stupid. And I was trying to move a large piece of furniture over a toilet in a cramped bathroom. And no, I'm not giving out details of that story because I already told you - I WAS BEING STUPID. And so I dropped an armoire on my foot, and I'm pretty sure it broke. Or was really close to broken. And I kept it up and wrapped it and stuff for like 3 weeks, and it got better-ish. And now suddenly, after the better-ish, it's hurting lots again. So, what the heck?
Also, I teach a class of 9 year olds on sunday, and last week I was super cranky and I yelled at one of the girls in my class. And I think I scared her. But she was mocking Johnny Lingo, and I just can't handle that kind of crap.
Also, my husband knew that I was once again cranky today (ok fine - I've been cranky for like 6 weeks in a row now- SO WHAT?!) and he bought me a little plush Tardis that makes the noise. And it's awesome. Because sometimes my husband is awesome. (And sometimes he's why I'm cranky.)
Also, I shattered ANOTHER glass in my sink today. Because I think our sink is made out of some kind of space age 1930's porcelain. We're down like 5 glasses in just over a year of living here. I'm going to have to start drinking out of cups shaped like ducks and Mickey Mouse heads, because our plastic cups are all weird shaped like that.
Also, an egg committed suicide in my kitchen today. All I did was grab the carton out of the fridge, and I was just holding it when an egg forced the lid open and jumped to it's death. And it almost hit my foot - the jerk. I think our eggs would be less suicidal if they came from cage free chickens.
And now possibly, I'll go to bed. But I'm not sure, because I'm not planning anything. All I know is that I'm going to get up from the computer and maybe walk in the general direction of my bedroom. MAYBE. Maybe I won't. You'll never know, because I'm all non-planning now. My life is a big open sack of possibilities.....maybe I'll brush my teeth......maybe aliens will abduct me......will the suspense kill me? WHO KNOWS?! - Sep 05, 12
I always have mixed feelings when my kids go back to school. It's more peaceful for me when they're gone, but I kind of miss them. Plus I don't get to sleep in - and that's what is really important.
This monkey has lots of monkey shirts to wear to kindergarten. Because monkeys are the best. He includes monkeys when he's saying prayers. He'll say, "thank you for monkeys, and thank you for monkeys with glasses, and thank you for monkeys that are babies because them are so cute." He's also always grateful for breakfast, but that doesn't include monkeys at all.
My kids are in fourth, second, and all day kindergarten this year. And Number Four should be in preschool but I made an executive parenting decision to not let her go. Because I want her to stay here. With me. So we can hang out.
Number Four's special ed teachers want her to be in a 4-day a week class this year. It's what we did in Boise with the boys, and it was super helpful and good for them. But I'm still not letting her go. Because I realized that it's kind of nice having just one kid around. And she's lots of fun. And we can go to the zoo, or play with her cousin, or hang out and put clips in each other's hair. And she didn't really want to go anyway. And I have lots more justifications when really I just didn't want her to be gone because she's my baby and I'm being selfish.
But I'm mostly ok with being selfish.
Especially since she's the only kid left who still thinks I'm the coolest person on earth. All the other kids think their teachers or friends are way more awesome than me, so I'm holding onto Number Four as long as possible.
She's ok with it too. Mostly. Except about once a day she'll come get right in my face and say, "I am not having fun yet! This is too boring." So I have to find some piggy printables for her, or we play a game, or I just tickle her for a few minutes and then she's good.
Here are some pictures of my kids' first day of school (because I KNOW you want to see them):
This girl's feet grew a size and a half over the summer, totally not joking. Also we had to buy her a whole new wardrobe at the outlet stores on Labor Day because she's a giant. Or just getting older. Also, she made me extremely proud yesterday when she brought home an invitation to be in her school's "gifted" class for "advanced learners". When she handed me the teacher's note at first I thought it was for special ed services, because all of my kids have required so many special services in the past. When I realized she was being invited into a group especially for braniac kids I was so happily proud that I started crying and my kids thought I was a complete weirdo until I told them that I wasn't really crying I had just accidentally poked myself in both of my eyes.
This one is super excited to be in second grade. Really. His best friend is in his class again this year, and so is the boy we carpool with who he likes to play with after school. Also his teacher's name is Mrs. Lemon, but she's super non-lemon-like and is totally sweet to the kids. The only reason he looks tortured in the picture is because, "Mommy the sun is bright out here! Mommy why do you have to take pictures?! Mommy, aaaaaah!! MOMMMMMMY!!!!"
And here they are all together being adorable:
And there you have it. Back to school for another year. But now you'll have to excuse me because I'm needed in the other room to play with some piggy finger puppets (Number Four is obsessed with pigs and answers to the name "Piggy Queen" - not "princess" - or "your royal piggy highness"). - Jul 20, 12
When I get sick I lay in bed and watch lots of Netflix. Because that's what one is required to do when sick. This I know.
A few weeks ago I got really sick. (Because summer is a time when illness go around. Oh wait. no - just for me.) So I had to live next to my humidifier and take lots of naps and let my kids destroy my house in between rounds of video game playing. And, of course, I watched a lot of Netflix.
I was in one of my scary movie phases so I tried out a few that were obviously made with a $15 budget.
In one of the movies this guy has to stay in his apartment for 2 weeks without even stepping a foot out the door. It only took him like a day and a half to go all psycho and start killing people and cooking his cat and stuff. At that point of my illness I had been laying bed for a week and a half straight and hadn't even killed a single person.
I decided that particular movie was just stupid.
I also watched some movies with Vincent Price in them, because he's so creepy. And also his hands are huge.
I don't know what life was like for him, but he was always attacking women in those movies. I swear every time he was startled by a women the first thing Vincent Price would do is run up to her, grab her with his big scary hands, and shake the daylights out of her. Then he'd literally toss her aside. And the women would just take it from him without fighting back.
That just doesn't seem normal.
Netflix really needs to step it up for the next time I get sick. Do you hear me Netflix people? All that bad horror is totally your fault. - Jul 19, 12
Sometimes I feel like this:
And then I have to draw it in my notebook instead of getting actual stuff done. And then I have to blog about it, and then explain it for you. (Instead of getting actual stuff done.)
So that's a picture of me. You can tell by the bad clothes and ponytails. And I'm standing in a bricked up box. Because in this picture, that's what it is.
And then there's a pipe that goes through the box, and regular daily life flows through it. It's like a stream of time and chores and work and kids and dinner and all that other stuff that makes up life. But my pipe is rusty and doesn't hold life very well, so it constantly leaks.
And then my box fills up with too much regular life. And instead of working on a drain, I just stand there in a daze.
Sometimes I feel like my box is totally full of water and I'm doggy paddling near the top sucking in that last little bit of air with just my lips sticking out of the water. But I've been trying to cut back on stress lately. That helps a little.
But still my box is watery. Just full enough to be thinking, "Can't I just go back to bed?" and also, "Will my underwear ever be dry?!"
And also, there are little piranha type fishes in there, because sometimes it's not enough to be stuck in a bricked up box of slowly filling life water. Sometimes the universe has to gnaw on you a little. Because life is mean like that.
You know those really organized and happy people that seem so content and in control at all times? If they were in bricked up boxes they would probably have their pipes in proper working order. And their boxes would probably be super comfortable and dry. And they'd probably be throwing Bunco parties and baking cheesecake in them.
Meanwhile, I'm just over here going, "Today was a success because I didn't drown."
Does anyone else feel like this? - Jun 25, 12
I'm listening to my children converse in the other room and I'm realizing that I totally forgot about the injustices of childhood. You know, when the world is out to get you, and everyone hates you, and you're the unluckiest kid on the entire planet and possibly universe, otherwise why would your life be SO HARD?!
Two Bits is teaching the younger two the finer points of voicing the despair and unfairness of things while they pick a billion plastic baggies off the floor that they decided to throw there and then try and convince me that our giant box of baggies exploded on it's very own.
The Two Bits dramatic dialogue goes like this:
"This is the worst summer vacation EVER. We're like slaves! We don't even have a vacation planned, and we can't even go to Disneyland even though we're doing ALL THESE chores!! We never do anything fun. Our days are just filled with chores and cleaning and relaxing then more chores, and then relaxing, then watching movies, then more and more and more and more and more and more and more chores! Then we have to do MORE CHORES!!
THIS IS SO UNFAIR!!!!!"
And the whole time the little kids are just going, "YEAH!" and then repeating the "more and more and more" on que.
It reminded me of my childhood. My sisters and I were like slaves too. Always having to clean up after ourselves and do horrible things like vacuum the WHOLE ENTIRE living room. And then I HAD to spend every afternoon outside with my friends. Plus, we only got ice cream cones whenever my mom FELT LIKE IT!
Being a kid is the worst. - Jun 19, 12
Opie has a friend over today. This does not happen often. Because we kind of scare people. Even though I'm not even my usual scary self when other people's kids are here, just more, um, me-ish can't-be-helped scary.
Which I guess is still kinda scary.
And also my kids don't have friends over because they always get "SO BORED". Because, all 50 billion of their toys don't ever sound like fun. I mean, why would they? It's not like people spent hard earned money to provide my children entertainment in plastic and blinking form or anything.
So before Opie and his friend started on the "we're SO BORED"'s I took some sheets outside and built them a tent by hanging them from our tree. Because I'm super clever like that. And then I thought, "HA! They'll be busy playing here for HOOOOOURS."
Except that they were bored by the tent in less time than it took me to set it up.
So then I told them to play commandos and the tent could be their base, and once again patted myself on the back for being such a genius and all.
Except that they were bored after about 4 minutes of commandos.
So when they came to me again professing their total non-entertainment I asked them why they didn't have fun playing commandos.
"Because we just stood there and then ran around a little. It was SO BORING."
And then I said, "Obviously you guys have no idea how to play commandos." And then I silently reprimanded myself for having children that are so incompetent at commando playing.
So finally I handed them each a walkie-talkie. MY walkie-talkies. Grown up real ones that I think are awesome, because I really am a fan of playing commandos.
And then I told Opie and his friend, "You can take these outside and be super agent ninja commandos, but you have to be super careful with these, because if you break them, you will die."
Opie just shook his head like, "how many times have I hear that threat?" But his friend was all wide-eyed staring at me. So I kept going.
"I don't think your mom would appreciate it if you died here today. So you guys better be really REALLY careful." I said.
Then Opie's friend was all worried and said, "So, like, if we break them, then they start on fire, and then explode or something?!"
And then I looked at him all scary like (but normal scary, not real scary - actually just more serious like, not really scary, I promise) and I said, "No, I would just be really MAD."
I figured it would probably be good to end it at that. But Opie had to pipe in, because, you know, kids DO THAT. So then he told his friend, "Yeah, and if she gets really mad she'll punch us in the face and stuff until we bleed."
I seriously have no idea why my kids don't have more friends over. Our house is SUPER FUN.
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Posts
- May 24, 13
Little boy birthday parties are fun, but sometimes it's hard to find cute printables for them. Which is why we made this construction party printable pack with cupcake wrappers, circle cupcake toppers, and a treat box featuring dump trucks, bulldozers, and cement mixers. - May 23, 13
The season of sand castles is just around the corner. Get this free coloring page to prepare for the sand-a-liscious fun. - May 22, 13
Do you need a little treat box with Minnie Mouse on it? Because these little printable purses are fabulous. - May 21, 13
This free printable coloring page has a back story.
When my monkey son was a little younger he was super crazy and hard to keep up with. One night after his bath he took off running in his fireman towel and it took me a second to find him. He had gone into the other bathroom, where he proceeded to pull an old toothbrush out of the garbage can - I walked in the door just as he was putting it in his mouth.
And that's the story of this coloring page.
The end. - May 20, 13
Sometimes my kids need a reminder about their dental hygiene. Instead of giving the typical lecture, I decided to make a game of it. This is a printable card game, all the instructions and pieces are included. So now you can teach your kids good dental hygiene habits the fun way. - May 17, 13
This snack is STICKY. But awesome. And I sent it to school, so it wasn't like I had to deal with all the messy preschoolers.
For two "fried eggs" melt about 12 marshmallows and 1 tsp. of butter on medium-low heat. (You can multiple this by however many finished snacks you'll need.)
Pour the melted goo into two globs on some HEAVILY GREASED tin foil (I suggest greasing with butter or butter flavored spray, because it will pick up a little of the flavor). And smear the globs into egg shapes.
Take a couple of dried apricots, smoosh the centers with your thumb so they look like bubbled yolks and stick them to the centers of your marshmallow globs.
Let them cool before you take them off the tin foil.
(I found this idea here, where it has a few more details, you know, if you like details.)
For the bacon I bought some raspberry flavored fruit roll ups and cut them into bacon shaped strips. Then, when I placed them on the plates, I made them look wavy, like cooked bacon tends to look. (I think it would have looked better with thicker fruit leather, but I couldn't find bacon colored fruit leather.)
I wonder if the preschool teacher was mad that I sent highly sugared food glue to class? Because I think I'm making this one again. - May 16, 13
With summer coming up I know the kids are going to need a few extra activities for when they get tired of running around outside. My kids love to color, so I'm going to be making lots of coloring pages for them. And who knows, maybe it will bring a little bit of quiet to our summer.....at least for a few minutes.
This free printable coloring page is of a little girl on the beach. - May 13, 13
Now that the school year is almost over I want to make sure my kindergartener has all of his sight words memorized. I think in his class they call them "popcorn words" or something like that, but I call them sight words because you know them by sight not by sounding them out.
All the words included can be seen in the preview image - I think it's a good amount (although, I think the english language is easier if you just memorize all words since most of them don't follow the phonics rules). - May 10, 13
Who doesn't love a good mustache printable? These cupcake wrappers and circle toppers are perfect for any kind of mustache party with six different wrappers and a full sheet of 1.25" circles. - May 06, 13
I don't know about your kids, but mine need some serious handwriting and cutting practice. We're pretty big into art around here so they have some great experience, but accuracy doesn't really come into play. With these printable worksheets they can either trace the lines or cut along the lines (some of these are way more tricky than others, but I figure that's good for my second and fourth graders to practice with). - May 03, 13
It is scientifically proven that moms love treats that they don't have to share with any one else. Also, most moms love cute packaging that doesn't cost a lot. So for Mother's Day this year, check out our "Sweets for Mom" printable treat pack.
This set of Mother's Day Printables includes:
• 2 baggy toppers
• 1 take-out box printable with instructions
• 1 mini purse printable with instructions
• a king size candy bar wrapper
• a standard size candy bar wrapper - May 01, 13
Happy, happy May friends! I was looking at our previous desktops, and I noticed that I've never really used orange! WHAT? Naturally, I had to fix that ASAP. Hope this month's desktop calendar adds a bright spot to your day!(regular sized monitor) (Wide screen monitor) - May 01, 13
Reading is a big part of our day, and while the kids would be content with reading the same books over and over, I like to change it up every once in awhile. I figured while we were going for something new they might as well go with a theme.
So here are 11 Children's Book Suggestions on the theme of Mother's Day:"Are You My Mother?" by P.D. Eastman is my one of my favorite books from my own childhood. My kids love it a lot too. "If I Could: A Mother's Promise" by Susan Milford looks quite endearing - it lists all the things the mom raccoon would do for her child if she could. The pictures in this book are super cute. "Mother, Mother, I Want Another" by Maria Poluskin Robbins seems like a silly and fun book about a baby mouse wanting his mom to give him another kiss, but the mom thinks her baby is asking for a different mother entirely and goes off to find one. "Fancy Nancy's Marvelous Mother's Day Brunch" by Jane O'Connor is definitely on our list because I find that one can never go wrong with Fancy Nancy. "Hero Mom" by Melinda Hardin looks interesting because it's all about moms that serve in the military. And all military moms (and dads, and people in general) are heroes. "I Love Ewe" by Aaron Zenz is good for a fast read for the little kids. The cute animal pictures and fun word play are sure for a quick smile. "Just Me and My Mom" by Mercer Mayer looks awesome to read, because I love that little critter lots and lots. I had a little critter book when I was young and I remember relating to him a lot because he kept making messes no matter how hard he tried not to. So, naturally, he'll always be a favorite. "Me and My Mom!" by Alison Ritchie caught my attention because of the picture on the front of the book - it's just so cute! "My Mom is the Best Circus" by Luciana Navaro Powell is another quick read, and looks really promising. Because sometimes, as a mom, I feel like I'm living in a circus too. "Pirate Mom" by Deborah Underwood looks perfect for my second grader. I think he'll find it hilarious to read about a mom being hypnotized into thinking she's a pirate. "Ramona and her Mother" by Beverly Cleary is for sure on our reading list. Because Ramona's antics are timeless and hilarious. Plus I haven't read this for one for a really long time.
Now we just need to get started on our list - which I'm now excited to begin. And hopefully that will inspire you into a little mom-themed reading of your own! - Apr 30, 13
One of our Facebook friends asked for some candy bar wrappers for first communion. We obliged.
Click to download these first communion (or baptism) candy bar wrappers, then "like" us on Facebook! - Apr 29, 13
My kids love to do puzzles, so I like to find ways to make them cheaply and also maybe sort of teach them something. These printable wordstrip puzzles have vegetables on them - they include a riddle about each vegetable and spell out the word as the puzzle comes together.
Make sure to print these on thick paper and then laminate the pieces so that they last longer in the hands of little kids.
Check out our animal wordstrip puzzles too! - Apr 26, 13
If you're having a pink and zebra birthday party these cupcake wrappers and toppers are perfect-o. They come with 3 cupcake wrappers and a sheet of 1.25" circles as toppers. - Apr 24, 13
The end of the school year is heading our way and we've really enjoyed our teachers so we want to show our appreciation. But creative ideas just weren't flowing in the way of teacher appreciation gifts, so I decided to see what other people have done. These are my six favorite gift ideas:
This is an adorable bucket from Simply Organized. In the post she even lists what she put inside and how she made it. My favorite part is that flower pinwheel that apparently only cost a $1.50.
I know this one says "swim teacher" but I like the idea for a regular teacher, and the container and colors are super adorable. You can get the full tutorial at Lil' Luna.
This is a cute candybar wrapper that sells on etsy. I really like the look and idea of it - the lined paper is a good touch.
These cards are great, and funny, and are kind of the way I'm leaning. Then all I have to do is print something instead of taking time to put something together. Plus, who doesn't love a good giftcard? You can download the printables for free from Chicka Bug.
This is just a small printable note, a CD sleeve, and some homemade cookies - so easy and cost-effective. And if there's one thing that I love, it's being lazy and cheap. You can get see the tutorial and printables at Nothing But Country.
This is a super simple idea, and different than the usual edible treat. Skip to my Lou has a short tutorial about it, and says that it makes a great last-minute gift (which is they way I tend to do things).
So now, all I have to do is decide which gift idea I'm going to go with....I can't decide. Which idea is your number one favorite? - Apr 22, 13
Monsters are awesome. And playing games with monsters - also awesome. This printable game teaches basic matching skills and turn taking. Plus, it's just fun to play.
This printable includes:
• 6 different cards (so you can play with a total of 6 players)
• a printable die
• instructions - Apr 19, 13
This download features 12 Disney princesses. You get cupcake toppers and garlands, and this set coordinates with all our Disney Princess printables. This download makes is easy to mix and match so that you can have the party of your little one's dream!
For the other princess printables, click the links below: - Apr 19, 13
- Apr 19, 13
My daughter loves this show. If you have your own Daniel fan you'll love this free Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood printable party pack.
It includes:
• 3 cupcake wrappers
• 4 little fry boxes
• 6 tent lables
• a sheet of 1.25" circles - Apr 24, 13
How awesome is that mermaids are now boy friendly? We love this show, and hopefully you'll love this Bubble Guppy Printable Party Pack.
It includes:
• 6 tent labels
• 2 small fry boxes
• a sheet of 1.25" circles
• 2 water bottle labels
• 6 cupcake wrappers - Apr 15, 13
These printable animal puzzles are lots of fun for little fingers. Just print them on thick paper and laminate them so that your kids can play with them over and over. All the cut lines are on the pictures so it's super easy to make the puzzles. And as your kids are putting the picture together they're also spelling the word. - Apr 24, 13
I love the idea of pink and green party printables - they just jive well together, I think. This printable pack features the saying "Make a Wish" and stars. It would be great for a birthday part for any age of girl.
This set includes:
• 1 party hat
• 2 water bottle labels
• 3 cupcake wrappers
• 4 tent labels
• a sheet of circle labels - Apr 08, 13
We took this snack to school on the 100the day of school, but it would be great anytime you want to highlight the number 100 in a yummy and fun way. Our snacks were: 100 Skittles, 100 green grapes, 100 purple grapes and 100 curly herb breadsticks (recipe found here).
I had the glass containers just hanging around, but I had to make the big box -it's one of those massive goldfish cracker boxes with the top cut off. I just covered the outside in scrapbook paper. It was amazingly easy and the kids thought it was fab.
Then I cut out the number 100 on some matching scrapbook paper and taped it to some bamboo skewers to put in the containers of snacks.
I love when snacks are easy and fun and can be passed off as a lesson about numbers.
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Posts
- May 06, 13
This is one of my favorite concepts learned at BYU Women's Conference 2013: "life is patience, life is diligence". It takes both to make it through life.Click the image to download this free printable.
This free printable comes as an 8x10" image in pdf format. - May 06, 13
Jonathon Sandberg is both funny and brilliant when it comes to marriage relationships. This quote is from his class at BYU Women's Conference 2013: "the most common problem in marraige is drift, life will do that to you if you are not intentional".Click the image to download this free printable. - May 06, 13
Listening to Michelle King at BYU Women's Conference was entertaining and inspiring. This is one of my favorite quotes from her talk: "When it comes to the scriptures, it is the one time we shouldn't be on a restricted diet".Click the image to download this free printable.
This free printable comes as an 8x10" image in pdf format. - May 02, 13
I wasn't personally in the class at BYU Women's Conference 2013, where this was said, but my friend was, and when I heard it, I knew that I wanted to remember it. Because sometimes I think, "Hey, maybe a little guilt trip will make my kids stop misbehaving." When really, it's just going to make them feel worse, and teaching through love and understand yields much more positive results. So I'll be hanging this somewhere really central at my house to remember: "You can make children behave better by making them feel worse". Said by Heather Stephenson.Just click the image to download this free printable. - May 02, 13
This was heard during BYU Women's Conference 2013. It says: "Lord, who needs me today? Tell me her name." I love it - and I think it would be an amazing attitude to have. Something I should probably work on.....Click the image to download this free printable. - May 06, 13
Click the image to download this free LDS printable.
I really like this quote, said by Cheryl Savage, heard at BYU Women's Conference 2013: "This is my stage and my season, I am a warrior." Sometimes I need to feel more like a warrior, so maybe if I see this often it will bolster me up. - May 02, 13
I love this quote, said by Elaine Marshall during BYU Women's Conference 2013: "You cannot live in Gethsemane, the Savior was already there. Come into another garden." So when life is really hard, and you feel like you can't go on, just try to remember this.Just click the image to download this free Christian printable. - May 02, 13
This is a great quote heard during BYU Women's Conference 2013: "The Savior loves to fix things, let Him bind up the broken parts." It comes as an 8x10" printable in pdf format.Click the image to download this free printable. - Apr 29, 13
Jesus taught "As I hath loved you, love one another". Get this free Bible printable in pdf format with an 8x10" and 5x7" option. Then you can remember the Lord's words every time you see it.Click the image to download this free Christian printable. - Apr 29, 13
This free printable is perfect for a quick lesson on the topic "I am a Child of God". It has all the info you need to make any lesson a success with very little prep time (because we always want our lessons to be awesome, but we don't always have the time to do it all ourselves)!Click the image to download this free LDS printable.
Click the image to get coloring pages to accompany this lesson, or check out our free coloring page section.
This printable was submitted by Jill Hunt at family-home-evenings.com - Apr 29, 13
This quote is taken from Sister Mary N. Cook's talk When You Save a Girl, You Save Generations. It is a good reminder for all of us YW leaders and Moms.Click the image to download this free LDS printable.
This printable was submitted by Kristie @ All for Giggles. - Apr 23, 13
This comes as a pdf file with an 8x10" and 5x7" version to print and frame. Hang it in your child's room (or somewhere they'll see often) to help inspire them to grow up and serve full time missions.Click the image to download this free LDS printable. - Apr 23, 13
This free printable contains the scripture Ephesians 5:2 and says "Walk in love, as Christ also have loved us." It comes as a pdf file and has an 8x10" and 5x7" version.Click the image to download this free printable. - Apr 23, 13
This is a cute little booklet for your primary kids (or kids at home) to make for Mother's Day (or any time you teach a lesson about mothers). The text and pictures go along with the words from the song "My Mother Dear" in the Children's Songbook. The kids in your class can color the pictures, fold the booklet, and give it to mom!Click the image to download this free printable booklet for Mother's Day. - Apr 23, 13
These printable Mother's Day cards are a super simple activity for your Primary kids (or kids at home). There are five cards to choose from with cute pictures to color for the outside of the card, and a cute saying on the inside.Just click the image to download these free printable Mother's Day cards.
To create the card just fold the page in half (vertically), and then fold it in half again (horizontally). It really couldn't be easier - and mom will love getting the colored cards from the kids! - Apr 23, 13
These printable Father's Day cards are a super simple activity for your Primary kids (or kids at home). There are five cards to choose from with cute pictures to color for the outside of the card, and a cute saying on the inside.Click the image to download these 5 printable Father's Day cards to color.
To create the card just fold the page in half (vertically), and then fold it in half again (horizontally). It really couldn't be easier - and dad will love getting the colored cards from the kids! - Apr 23, 13
Do you need a cheap and easy gift to give in Primary for birthdays? Print these cute pencil toppers, cut them apart and punch out the holes on each card. Then all you have to do is slide one card onto a pencil (so it looks like a sail), and you have a super quick and inexpensive gift that Primary kids love!Click the image to download this free LDS printable.
These also make great handouts when you have a lesson about choosing the right. - Apr 19, 13
click to download "Our love for our Father in Heaven and the Lord Jesus Christ needs to be reflected in our daily choices and actions. They have promised peace, joy, and happiness to those who keep Their commandments." - M. Russell Ballard - Apr 19, 13
click image to download "Don't put your eternal life at risk. Keep the commandments of God. If you have sinned, then sooner you begin to make your way back, the sooner you will find the sweet peace and joy that come with the miracle of forgiveness." - Thomas S. Monson - Apr 19, 13
click image to download "Fill your mind with truth. We do not find truth groveling through error. Truth is found by searching, studying, and living the revealed word of God. We adopt error when we mingle with error. We learn truth when we associate with truth."-Thomas S. Monson - Apr 19, 13
Click the image to download this free printable.
This printable goes with a story about honesty called "The Lie Monster". The idea was originally found at www.sugardoodle.net but we tweaked it and made it a new monster. This story can be included in a Family Home Evening lesson about Honesty.
The Lie Monster
Once there was a boy named Caleb. One day his parents had to go to the store and left Caleb to baby-sit his little brother, Jacob. Caleb was 11 years old and Jacob was only 2, so Caleb was great at watching his brother.
While their parents were gone Caleb got hungry. But they were all out of snacks, which is probably why their parents went to the store in the first place. Then Caleb remembered that his mom kept chocolate chips on her baking shelf in the pantry. But Caleb also remembered that his mom had always told them NOT to eat the things on her baking shelf. But then Caleb thought he could maybe sneak just a few and his mom wouldn't even notice. So he did. And he ate them while Jacob was distracted so no one would know.
When the boys' parents returned, and started unloading groceries, their mom noticed that almost half of her chocolate chips were gone. She had planned on making cookies later, but now there weren't enough chocolate chips and they hadn't bought anymore at the store.
She asked Caleb if he had gotten into the chocolate chips while they were gone. Caleb felt really uncomfortable. He knew if he told the truth he would be punished, and he really hated being punished. So instead he lied.
"It was Jacob. I went to the bathroom, and when I came back he was eating them!" Caleb said.
(At this point, pull out the monster printable, and put it where your family can see it.)
His mom looked sad, "Well that's a bummer," she said. "I was going to make cookies and now I can't."
Caleb felt a little bit guilty, but he was glad that he hadn't been punished. He hadn't really told many lies up until then, but he had to admit - they were really handy in a pinch.
The next day Caleb ran to the gas station on the corner during recess. It wasn't very far and he just really wanted to buy some candy. He knew that it was breaking the rules, but he thought he'd get back before anyone noticed. But he ended up getting back to class a few minutes late. When his teacher asked him where he was, he told her he was in the bathroom.
(Place a tentacle on the monster.)
A girl in Caleb's class saw him leave the school playground, so she told the teacher that Caleb had broken the rules. But Caleb didn't want to get in trouble, so he told the teacher that his tummy was a little upset and he had spent most of the recess in the bathroom. Then he asked to go to the nurses office.
(Place a tentacle on the monster.)
Caleb didn't notice that a little monster had started following him around. He also didn't notice that it seemed to be getting bigger...
In the days that followed, other kids in Caleb's class began to tell on him when he broke the rules or made a mistake. He found lying to be the most effective way to get out of trouble, so he kept doing it more and more.
(Place a tentacle on the monster.)
After a few days he thought, "Why are the other kids getting me in trouble so often? I wish they would just keep their mouths' shut!" So now Caleb was lying to himself.
(Place a tentacle on the monster.)
At home Caleb's brother Jacob caught him sneaking more chocolate chips, and told their mom. Caleb got angry and said that Jacob was just making things up.
(Place a tentacle on the monster.)
Caleb started feeling really yucky inside. He wasn't quite sure what it was, because he still hadn't noticed the monster that was growing and following him. He also felt really sad for himself, because it seemed like everyone else just wanted him to be in trouble. His self-pity justified many things; he started breaking more rules, being mean to his friends and family, and telling lots and lots and lots of lies.
(Place the last 2 tentacles on the monster.)
Caleb's friends stopped playing with him at school. Jacob didn't want to be around him at home. And even his mom looked at him like she wasn't sure she could trust him. Then Caleb noticed the big scary monster that wouldn't go away. This really made him upset. He wanted to feel better, but what could he do to be happy again?
Discuss as a family what Caleb can do to get rid of his monster. He could admit that he was being dishonest to his friends, family, and teacher. He could stop breaking rules. He could try to be nicer instead of thinking of ways to get out of trouble. Etc. After each suggestion, take away the monster, one piece at a time.
End the story by saying that Caleb decided to never lie again! - Apr 19, 13
click image to download If you have felt the influence of the Holy Ghost today, you may take it as evidence that the Atonement is working in your life. For that reason, and many others, you would do well to put yourself in places and in tasks that invite the promptings of the Holy Ghost. - Henry B. Eyring - Apr 19, 13
click image to download "The Lord's purposes are often accomplished as we pay heed to the guidance of the Spirit. I believe that the more we act upon the inspiration and impressions which come to us the more the Lord will entrust to us His errands." - Thomas S. MonsonLoved this quote about listening and acting upon promptings by Thomas S. Monson. This is a high resolution 4x6 print that would be a great reminder to have in your home or use in a lesson! - Apr 15, 13
This is a cute little talk with pictures and a story for young kids to use in Primary. The story talks about how the Holy Ghost is a comforter, and can bring peace just like a favorite blanket. It's all ready to go, so all you have to do is download and print, and you're ready for your child's talk!Click the image to download this free printable Primary talk.
This can also make a short FHE lesson for families with small kids. It's short, to the point, and includes visual aids - what more can you ask for? - Apr 08, 13
Click the image to download this free LDS Printable.
Elder L. Whitney Clayton said this during his talk in this past General Conference, and we really really like it: "Eternal marriage is a gift from God to us. The quality of our marriage is a gift from us to Him".
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Photos
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Tweets
- I liked sitting this close to the field until the girl 10 seats away from us was beaned by a foul ball… http://t.co/Ur2KSXM8Co
- .. and the hot dog wins. #slcbees @ Spring Mobile Ballpark http://t.co/kwlDg0Ktb9
- Baseball players are always sticking their butts out. #slcbees @ Spring Mobile Ballpark http://t.co/jw25PMJUCV
- Row four seats right at first base. Not bad. #slcbees @ Spring Mobile Ballpark http://t.co/TfnDbjojHH
- Our Wal-Mart is kind of posh - they even have toddler friendly facilities. http://t.co/zj38cIXLfI
- Thin crust chicken ranch pizza, I love you. #thepiepizzeria @ The Pie Pizzeria http://t.co/tKwPcXdcW4
- We kicked off the birthday festivities with a magic show this morning. #amazingadam #magic http://t.co/UAoyc3c1B0
- Someone came home from school a little cranky. http://t.co/E1LW3Mg5C5
- This is the first year my kids thought to make me breakfast in bed - toast & candy. (And a lovely… http://t.co/lSQ49j4MVb
- Hanging out with the birthday girl at my fave restaurant. mushll melaniemillett @ Tres Hombres http://t.co/AGRFxYebVX
- I wanted to stay and watch more dancing, but had to get back for soccer games. #musanajewelry with… http://t.co/dhGcZinLbR
- Sista Laurel getting into the dancing at the sistasinzion #musanajewelry event. http://t.co/txFKx0NZpA
- sistasinzion This is seriously awesome. #musanajewelry http://t.co/CYoNyxLHGt
- Only the cool people hang out in the overflow rooms. Well, the cool people, and me. #byuwc @ BYU… http://t.co/yG2rzMbMAW
- When I was a kid Super Grover was a puppet with a red cloth tied around its neck. Now he's all decked… http://t.co/srH4eDCF1u
- She's so cute I could squeel. http://t.co/IIt0szrLeV
- Taking a water break after scoring a goal. http://t.co/BV6ADPNdOl
- Our soccer coach has way more patience than me. Buy the kids are super cute, the way they keep… http://t.co/lUzLB78zbp
- First soccer game of the season and it's 40 degrees. http://t.co/zZCJn5XRPf
- Awesome stuff we just scored as Savers - 2 pairs of jeans, a killer sweet jacket, and an old man hat.… http://t.co/3X3g6goNiq
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ZAZZLE STORE
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book illustrations
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